I’ve never been fond of writing about myself. I get a lot of intriguing questions from my blogs and job life, which I like answering. However, one question in particular had the greatest impact on me.
When I went to pick up my then 3-year-old kid from my mother’s place, she informed me that he had asked her, “Why does Daddy always look so sad?”
I’ve always been different for as long as I can remember. It was something I felt, something I knew, and something I lived. This is due to my Asperger’s Syndrome. Autism with a high IQ and social problems is known as high-functioning autism. I would engage in very repeated behaviors, and when I have a strong interest in a subject, I challenge myself to become an expert on it.
Remember being scared of the playground
I remember being scared of the playground when I was a kid. Some were playing football, some were playing games, and yet others were chasing each other, which I found utterly disorganized. This was incomprehensible to me. The world’s most chaotic location. It was a living hell!
Even as an adult, I couldn’t shake the feeling. In an attempt to do what I believe to be the “correct” thing, I’ve learnt to push myself further out of my comfort zone.
When the prospect of being a father drew near, I was terrified. The plan I had for my life, as well as the sense of order I had worked so hard to build in my thoughts, would have to alter. So many concerns — what if the baby is identical to me? An analytical and overthinking creature. I was horrified by the prospect.
I didn’t know where else to turn because the day would come when the autistic child would become an autistic parent. My friends and family have taken a toll as a result of the preparations. My great and kind parents have probably lost at least 5 years of their lives in the process of analyzing and attempting to establish order.
When my son was born on July 23, 2013, I was in love, and for a little while, I felt normal. As the minutes passed, I began to question if what I was experiencing was entirely accurate. Is this genuine, and am I acting appropriately?
The autism stigma still remains, and the first thing that comes to mind is autistic children, such as myself, who, believe it or not, grew up to be adults with autism.
I couldn’t use a bottle steriliser without the assistance of my mother when my kid was born. Even putting together baby equipment such as a pram, toys, and a crib. Although I could tell you that Jupiter has 67 moons and where the Titanic’s swimming pool was. It was on F deck, above boiler room 6, for anyone interested.
From: Haotees Store